Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
