I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
