i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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