He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
