Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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