Yo dont text me then not text me
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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