he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
