I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
operation harelip BJ is a go
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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