It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize