hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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