My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
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We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
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We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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