Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
