she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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