the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
