so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
