Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
