I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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