nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I have already put on my inside pants.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
