# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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