It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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