Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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