oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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