I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My ass is underappreciated
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
