Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
