I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
