Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
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She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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