i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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