We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
