Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
