No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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