I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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