So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
