i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
