I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
whose parrot is this?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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