Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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