just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
