I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
