oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize