Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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