i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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