It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
