I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We have started to decorate penises.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
