Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
