I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
