Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
