I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
