dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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