his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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