I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
