Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
