My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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