FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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