call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
