But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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