FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
