Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
