Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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