She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
