Banned from zoo.
Again?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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