Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
