Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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